Recruiting Trip / Hugo90 Flickr CC (click photo for link)
From Bold and Daring to Old and Scary
In truly unpredictable fashion it looks like reports have now been made official that legendary former Kansas State coach Bill Snyder will come out of retirement to try and revive the struggling KSU football program as head football coach for the Wildcats.
The Shady Oaks Retirement Community in Manhattan, KS first broke the news that its most famous resident was being considered for the job. Nursing aid Lonnie Lumpkin said, “I was there when he got the call. He was so excited he nearly split his pajamas and knocked over his walker,” referring to Snyder’s reaction when approached about his return to football.
Snyder, who just turned 118 years old this Fall, will return to college football as the oldest coach in NCAA history surpassing Joe Paterno of Penn State and Bobbie Bowden of Florida State, both of whom served with Snyder in the 21st infantry division during World War I.
Coach Snyder will return to a program in shambles that has lost three straight meetings with in-state rival Kansas University under dismissed coach Ron Prince and may be losing their starting quarterback Josh Freeman to the NFL draft. Snyder, who transformed the K-State football program into a powerhouse during his coaching years in the 90s, but later struggled while producing mediocre teams at best just before his departure, said, “We can turn this thing around. I’ve got some innovative ideas to inject new life into this program and I’m excited to get it going.”
When asked about his “innovative ideas,” he first said “WHAT? Talk louder and enunciate, Sonny.” He then declined to give specifics once the question was finally heard. Inside sources have speculated his new ideas may include the creation of a new policy that will mandate “nap time,” so his players are fully rested, as well as requiring a daily team dinner at 4:30 p.m. that will create an environment of team unity. Additionally, there is speculation that he may change out the sport drinks that are currently being consumed on the KSU sidelines by replacing “Gatorade” and “POWERade” with “Ensure” and “Metamucil”.
Snyder is slated to take over coaching duties at the conclusion of this year’s season and will “hit the road” immediately concentrating on recruiting in hopes of finding some talent to rebuild the failing program.
In related news, there was a report of road rage last Sunday in Manhattan, Kansas. Witnesses said that a local driving a souped-up John Deere Gator became enraged when he was apparently stuck behind an elderly driver on the one lane Main Street that heads North and South through town. The elderly driver was cruising at approximately 15 miles per hour in a 35 mph zone, when the local attempted to pass while “flipping the bird” and screaming obscenities. Deputy sheriff Barney Fife witnessed the act and took the local suspect into custody on charges of road rage and disorderly conduct. The elderly driver, who was apparently oblivious to the situation, drove off unaware of the commotion. He is currently being sought for questioning. If you have any information about a purple 1964 Edsel, with the personalized license plate “SNYDRS”, please call the TIPS hotline or the Manhattan police department.